Frederick and Pride Mafira

Father and son, Pride is an athletic who does high jumping and run's short and long distance. They saw us on our One Shoe SA Facebook group. They had an interest in our shoes of which we arranged who run's our One Shoe Zim

LIFE WITH DISABILITY

"FEELINGS OF SUICIDE AND HOPELESSNESS"

• By Kenneth Mulaudzi
  

• In dealing with the lack of mobility and losing everything i had. I experienced severe depression and anxiety, even trying to commit suicide which made me feel a sense of relief whenever I thought about it.

• Many people tend to believe that attempting suicide is a selfish and thoughtless act (because the person doesn’t care about those left behind). However, I can assure you that when a person reaches this point of despair, they truly feel that they would be better off dead, as there would be no more pain and suffering. I went through a lot of emotional trauma, such as loneliness, guilt, and humiliation, to name but a few. Depression is a mental illness, not selfishness, or a lack of caring. It is a disease that needs people to work together and help support each other.

LIFE IN A WHEELCHAIR

• After my horrific ordeal, I knew that I would be wheelchair-bound for the rest of my life and needed to change my mind set in order to cope with the phantom pains, pressure sores, and having to push myself wherever I wish to go!
  

• A person's wheelchair may be their greatest obstacle or biggest support system. However, on the other hand, if a wheelchair user isn't careful enough, they could end up accidentally tipping over, which could result in them struggling to get back into their chair.
  

• I found it a huge challenge when it came to trying to find the right equipment that catered for my specific needs. I also had to learn how to start trusting in people and gain my self-confidence in order to deal with and accept my new fate as a wheelchair user.

• Imagine if everyone had the courage and faith of the blind, many people are afraid of going to places they’ve never been to, they are afraid of the dark but someone who has never seen the light isn’t afraid of going out and face the world they’ve never seen, talking to people they can’t describe, eating food they don’t know.

• Faith does really make one believe what you cannot see, if someone can live a normal life in a place unknown to them, only know things by touching and creating a picture in their minds of what it looks like.

• People who enjoy reading understand this better as reading isn’t something that comes natural but a skill acquired, most people cannot create the story in their minds while reading they struggle to understand what they are reading, they can read the whole paragraph twice and still forget what the first line was all about… this is a life of a blind person, if they can’t use their mind to remember things and create pictures, use their sense to be familiar with their environment then they will have a tough time of surviving in this world.

When disability is uninspiring,

• The intimate, unseen parts of disability that make many people feel uncomfortable.

• “I have witnessed how sharing the most intimate parts of my story has made some people uncomfortable, especially those features of my disability that aren’t considered ‘inspirational’ – such as bladder and bowel management, dating and sex.

• The thought of you waking up and facing the world, no matter what challenges you face, tends to be inspirational. However, no one wants to know that you woke with fecal matter in your bed or that you had a messy day – literally. It isn’t part of people’s inspirational reference. People tend to choose the parts of your story that make them feel better about themselves and their daily challenges.

• At times, people stare at you as if you’ve come from another planet – an alien of some kind. Some will distance themselves from you as though you have a contagious disease. Some might make a move on your partner or spouse. Husbands sometimes leave wives, and vice versa. The lucky couples persevere and remain together.

• Society is obsessed with inspirational stories. But the moment you stop romanticizing people’s ideas of inspiration, people can become awkward and uncomfortable. They might project their fears and anxiety onto you. Sometimes, even the people who face similar challenges might question your motives.

• It is important to have genuine and open conversations about everything. This is why I always advise my fellow people with disabilities to live as honestly as they can, which includes telling a potential or current partner that, for example, after a good meal and passionate love-making, they may wake up to a soiled bed – a simple bodily reaction to spicy food for a person with SCI or simply a body trying to put you on the spot again.

• Women with SCI might need to have an honest conversation with their partner about things like menstruation, while men might need to frankly discuss erectile dysfunction and the gadgets needed to have sex – for instance, the positions they need to be in and what needs to happen when in the process of love-making.

• It might be scary to you, your partner and your family, but it is important to share the gory, uninspiring facts about your unseen challenges too, to allow you to be understood and be better cared for. Remember that if the roles were reversed, you might also struggle to understand or even find the situation a bit creepy, so be patient.”

For your information as I close

• Many people stare at those different from them, they look at them with pitiful eyes, some with pure disgust and others with fear, It is hard walking around in public with everyone looking at you as if you just fell from another planet, treating you like a baby because of your condition. Yes some people care, they go out of their way to help others, they help the blind find their way, help them cross busy roads. Most make sure they learn sign language so that they can communicate better with those who cannot talk or hear, it is really embarrassing to stare at somebody trying to ask or tell you something and all you can do is stare at them not knowing how you will respond to them because they use sign language and all you know is to nod your head in agreement or simply saying no then take it a step further hand them a pen and a piece of paper for them to write it down.

• There people in wheelchairs doing a lot for themselves without asking for help, it’s not that they are too proud to ask for any but they have accepted that this is where they are in life now and instead of feeling sorry for themselves they found ways to make it work for them, they go anywhere they want and do everything they wish, drive any car they want and enjoy their lives without complaining about motorists taking their reserved parking space or have to wait longer in bathroom queues because someone who has no disability decided to skip the queue and use the one made easy for the disabled.

• Imagine if everyone had the courage and faith of the blind, many people are afraid of going to places they’ve never been to, they are afraid of the dark but someone who has never seen the light isn’t afraid of going out and face the world they’ve never seen, talking to people they can’t describe, eating food they don’t know. Faith does really believe what you cannot see, if someone can live a normal life in a place unknown to them, only know things by touching and creating a picture in their minds of what it looks like. People who enjoy reading understand this better as reading isn’t something that comes natural but a skill acquired, most people cannot create the story in their minds while reading they struggle to understand what they are reading, they can read the whole paragraph twice and still forget what the first line was all about… this is a life of a blind person, if they can’t use their mind to remember things and create pictures, use their sense to be familiar with their environment then they will have a tough time surviving in this world.

• What many people don’t know is that everyone in this world has a disability, even those who look normal has a disability of some sort but we all just stare at those different from us, we use our eyes to see things and comprehend and the blind use their brain to make out everything. We use our ears to listen and most of us still can’t grasp the message but the deaf use their eyes as ears and have a better understanding of things than we do. We depend on our hands to do most of our daily tasks and we still fail to do one simple thing, touching lives but those without them do that without lifting a finger, they use their hearts and mind to touch and change other people’s lives. We can walk, run and jump but most of us remain stuck in one place in life that’s because the problem isn’t with our legs but our brain, many people in wheelchairs have achieved many things, looking at how far they are in life you would never think that they cannot walk.

• We judge by what we see, we think just because we are living this “normal “life other people are just a burden we cannot deal with, we get tired of helping them and give them the special care they need. We think we are better than them but we aren’t! Disabled people have abilities, they are human just like everyone, they may be different and go through a lot of pain but they are just like you and me… they cry in pain, smile in joy, they bleed when cut, bruise when hurt. They may not be as advantaged as many of us are but they lack nothing when they have support from friends and family. Some may develop slower but that doesn’t mean they are not making progress. They never asked to be where they are, living that kind of a life.